Facetious
by startscribbling12
Summary: "He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. I don't know how to feel right now."
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: **_**After **_**the first time**

_He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. I don't know how to feel right now._

* * *

Natsu and I lay in my bed, cuddled under the covers. After a surprisingly wonderful date, one thing led to another and all of our sexual frustration came out. I was really determined to lose my virginity to Natsu. I had fallen in love with him I don't know how long ago, and it felt so right that I knew it had to be him. It took a while, however, because we had to stop a couple of times because it hurt too much. But when we finally went through with it—

Oh boy was it amazing.

Natsu is _wonderful_ in bed, just so you know.

"Lucy," Natsu said from my side. I looked up at him with a smile.

He seriously made me so happy.

"What's up, Natsu?" I asked. We had been sitting in a comfortable since for a while now as he ran his hand through my hair. I wasn't expecting him to speak up.

"I'm really hungry Luce. I'm going to get some food, okay?" he told me, sitting up from his spot on the bed. I pouted that he and his warmth were leaving but he laughed at my face and leaned over to give me a kiss.

"I'll be out in a minute then," I yawned, stretching in the bed as Natsu pulled on his pants. "Don't eat anything in the fridge unless I say it's okay!"

He waved his hand in the air as he walked out of my room.

I smiled to myself and squealed a little before crawling out of bed and pulling on Natsu's T-shirt that he decided he wasn't going to wear. I made a mental note to clean my sheets and room, as having sex with a dragon-slayer, plus it being your first time is a disastrous combination. But I was too happy to be angry at the mess right now.

I walked out into the kitchen, arms wrapped around myself as I looked at the clock. It was around two in the morning. Good thing Levy was out, otherwise she would have been angry with me.

"You look hot in my shirt, Lucy," I heard Natsu say from the kitchen.

I looked up with a smile on my face before it slowly slipped down and turned into a scowl.

"What?" he asked with his mouth full.

Full of what?

Full of my cold pizza that was in the _fridge. _I was saving that!

"Didn't I tell you to ask before you eat anything in the fridge?" I glared at him.

"But it looked so good!" he whined.

Acting like a child won't save you this time, Natsu.

I let out a frustrated huff before walking over to the pizza and taking it away from him, ignoring his protests. Two minutes ago I was in love with the kid and was on Cloud 9. And now I'm irritated that he ate my pizza.

Only Natsu could do this to me.

"First you take my virginity, and now you ate my pizza. Really, Natsu?"

The dragon-slayer was silent for a moment, staring me down intensely that it sent shivers down my spine.

Good shivers, might I add.

"Sorry for taking your pizza, Lucy," he finally said with a sad expression. I gave a sigh.

I couldn't stay mad at him.

"But what is 'virginity'? I don't remember taking anything of yours called that."

I almost walked out of the room.

* * *

_Hello there! Welcome to my collection of very short one-shots based around the Fairy Tail crew! All of them will be inspired by texts that I found on textsfromlastnight. So you might see something familiar! These will mostly be Natsu and Lucy, but if I find a text that fits another pairing, I'll write something about them! I hope they make you laugh or smile and please review! Everything helps! _


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Spooning**

_I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack._

* * *

Lucy was out tonight, which meant that I got the whole apartment to myself.

I was extremely thankful for that because it was mine and Gajeel's six month anniversary and I wanted to make it special for him. I planned on making him a large dinner that he would love and went out and rented all of his favorite action movies.

When he came over, he almost fell to his knees in happiness to see what I had cooked for him. Of course, that sent me into a laughter fit because seeing the terrifying Gajeel fall to his knees in front of me was something that I could only dream of. He responded to my laughter with a glare and a "shut up, shrimp."

I didn't shut up.

It was too hilarious.

So, Gajeel and I ate my dinner. Well, I should rephrase that to 'Gajeel ate my dinner and I only got a handful of food'. He apologized for not leaving enough for me, but I said I was no big deal, and that I wasn't hungry anyway. I wanted my boyfriend to be happy!

Since he was satisfied and had a full stomach, he collapsed on the couch with me and we snuggled while watching extreme action movies. They weren't really my thing, but he watches enough chick flicks for me that I figured I would give him this one.

After the movie—well….

Yes, you figured it out.

We had sex.

It was our anniversary! Shut up!

I'm not going to go into the details of any of it, but it was wonderful and Gajeel is always so gentle. Sometimes he's afraid that he's going to break me because I'm so tiny but I have to remind him that I might be small, but I'm not fragile.

And after our wonderful and romantic endeavor, we decided to spoon and go to sleep, as we were both extremely exhausted from our—ahem—_exercise. _

Anyway, I was behind him, holding him close and snuggling to him his bare back, his hand holding mine. When I mentioned to him that I was the big spoon he laughed at me.

He laughed for a good two minutes.

When he finally got control of himself, he told me that I was too little and it was more like he was wearing his own personal 'Levy Backpack'.

My own boyfriend has compared me to a _backpack._


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: **Doggie Daycare

_I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird._

* * *

I hadn't gotten to see Lucy at all today. When I got home from my job, Mirajane told me that Lucy had gone with Levy and Gajeel to the next town over to buy some things that you couldn't buy here.

I didn't know what it was, but it must have been important to take the train.

Trains are awful.

So I was minding my own business, walking alone back to my house, when I heard scratching. I knew it couldn't have been Happy because he went to stay with Charle and Wendy tonight. Being curious me, I walked over to the bushes that I heard the noises from slowly.

I mean, what if it was Gray following me?

I wanted to get the upper hand when I punched that asshole straight into next week.

I launched myself into the bush, not to land onto Gray, but instead landing on something tiny and soft. I didn't move; I only looked around in confusion on what I just landed on. I couldn't see anything below me.

Was it a flower or something?

"Puuuun…" I heard something wail from below me. Shooting up, I looked at what was obviously Plue flattened to the ground.

"Ah, shit, sorry Plue," I apologized to the little creature that Lucy calls a dog.

Wait, Lucy?

"Why are you here, Plue? Does that mean Lucy is back home?" I asked him quickly. I really wanted to see her.

"Pun Puuunn," the white dog replied while shaking.

I nodded my head seriously. "Ah, I understand. Lucy forgot to close your gate, and since it doesn't cost her a lot of magic, she hasn't noticed yet?"

Plue nodded. "Pun."

"Then why don't you just, you know, go back yourself?"

"Pun Pun Puuunnnn,"

"Oh, I got it, you wanted—wait, you wanted to see _me?_"

Plue walked around waving his arms, explaining to me that he wanted to hang out with me more since I was Lucy's boyfriend. He said he wanted to know what it was like to hang out with a Dragon Slayer.

"Plue, you know what? You're pretty cool, offering to hang out with me. It's like, you know, you understand me," I rubbed my chin as Plue followed me back to the house.

"Pun Punnn," Plue exclaimed.

"YOU WANT TO EAT LUCY'S FOOD AND SLEEP IN HER BED?"

"PUN!"

"I gotta call, Lucy," I whipped out my phone as Plue yelled at me. "What?"

"PUUUUUN!"

I rolled my eyes at the white dog. "No, Plue, I am _not _calling Lucy to tell her what we are doing. I'm not that stupid."

I mean, really? I am not that dumb.

Give me some more credit.

Dialing Lucy's phone number, I waited until I heard her voice on the other end. I smiled to myself. I missed her so much. I just wanted to go on missions with her and hug her. But that was not why I was calling her at the moment!

"Yes, Natsu?" Lucy said over the receiver.

"Hey Luce. Yeah, I found your dog. We have become bros now, so he is staying the night. Don't call tonight, though. Don't make it weird for us."

"Wait, Plue? What?" Lucy asked. "I didn't even know I left his gate—wait, spending the night?!"

"Come on. Don't be an overprotective parent and make him come home. And don't call all night like an obsessed mother. Let the kid live a little." I laughed.

"You're best friends with my dog now? I have to close the gate eventu—"

"Don't bother us! Later, Lucy!"

I mashed the 'end' button before looking down at the shaking body of Plue. I smirked my trademark smirk at him before turning and heading towards Lucy's house.

"Let's raid Lucy's house!"

"Pun PUN!"


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4  
**_Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?_

* * *

"Natsu, you really have a problem," Lucy said as she dried her hair with a towel. She and Natsu had just gotten done with a _proactive _shower and she was ready to hit the hay. Her boyfriend looked at her with a raised eyebrow as he slipped his pants on his now dry body.

Oh the perks with being a fire dragon slayer.

"What are you talking about, Luce?" he asked her. "I thought I did pretty well back there. You weren't complaining."

Lucy chucked her brush at him, scowling at him as she pulled a sweatshirt on.

"Not the sex, dumbass!" she yelled at his completely oblivious face.

"Then what is it?"

Lucy let out a sigh. "Every time after we have sex, you always say you want pizza. Man, I should have known after our first time. You went as far as stealing my pizza. This is a serious problem considering how much we have sex."

Natsu rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. There was a lopsided grin on his face as he moved closer to her.

"I'm sorry, Lucy! I just can't help it! I just get this immense craving for pizza. I don't know what it is. Don't you crave something after all of that?" He asked her seriously.

Lucy thought for a moment. Did she? She never really thought too much about food. She was too happy over the fact that she and Natsu were sharing such an intimate moment and she was trying to catch her breath because she was so tired from doing it so much.

Now that she thought about it—

"No, actually, I don't," she told him. "I just really want to sleep most of the time."

"Yeah I noticed."

Lucy pouted at him before slipping on her slippers and making her way out to the kitchen. Levy would be back from her date any minute now and she supposed she should figure out what to do for dinner. Now that she thought about it, pizza didn't sound all that bad. She'd just make Natsu pay for it, because he can eat one who pizza by himself.

"Natsu," Lucy said from the kitchen. Her lovely boyfriend was trying to find his shirt that was lost somewhere in the apartment.

"What?" he called to her from the bathroom.

"Why don't you order pizza for you, me, and Levy? It does sound good right now!"

At the mention of pizza, the pink-haired dragon slayer walked into the kitchen, fully clothed. He seemed excited, but at the same time, disappointed.

"What?"

He crossed his arms. "You don't have frozen pizza? The pizza place takes forever to deliver."

"No, Natsu. I don't. Besides, we need enough for all three of us. You eat enough for a village."

Natsu laughed mockingly at her before walking over to her phone and then went to grab the phone book to figure out the number for the pizza place. At that moment, Lucy's blue haired roommate decided to stroll through the door.

"Hey, Levy!" Lucy smiled, tugging her hoodie around her.

The small girl beamed. "Lu-chan!"

"How was your date?" Lucy asked.

"It was amazing. I didn't know Gajeel could be so romantic." Levy said with stars in her eyes. Lucy laughed and said that she was happy for her. When the two of them calmed down after a good solid twenty minutes of gossiping and Levy settled in, Lucy noticed Natsu still hadn't called.

"Natsu, I'm hungry. If you don't call, you are getting whatever I order."

The boy looked up at his blonde girlfriend. "Do you think the pizza place would deliver faster if I told them I just had hot shower sex and it always makes me hungry?"

Lucy blushed scarlet while Levy laughed in the background.

"You guys had hot shower sex?!" She yelled with a laugh.

"Yeah! It was amazing!" Natsu answered her with a grin.

Lucy walked over and slapped her boyfriend on the arm with an embarrassed look. Not that she wouldn't tell Levy all about it later, but it was still embarrassing to talk about right now.

"Natsu, if you called twenty minutes ago, they would have been here already!"


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5  
**_I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor_

* * *

This was bad.

Like, this was asking to get roasted on a stick bad.

Roasted by Natsu to top it off.

I had snuck into Lucy's apartment because tomorrow was her birthday. Now what did that have to do with anything, you ask? Well, she'd be spending the whole day with flame-brain, so I wanted to surprise her with my gift. She wasn't home, so I figured I'd wait around for her.

Waiting for a few minutes turned into a half an hour.

A half an hour turned into 2 hours.

During that time, I had gotten extremely bored, so I started to walk around and entertain myself.

I cooked some food.

Watched some TV.

Read some of Lucy's diary.

Took a bath.

And somewhere during all of those things (most likely the last one) I ended up naked.

Like, I was walking around in my birthday suit for a good solid hour before I realized that I was naked in Lucy's apartment. What if Natsu walked in? What if Lucy walked in?

I wasn't worried about them seeing me naked, because that's no big deal.

I just want to live to see tomorrow, thanks.

That's when I made it my mission to locate my clothes. I thought they would be in the bathroom because I took a bath, but they weren't there, which meant that I had become naked way before the bath.

I don't remember doing such a thing.

It was sort of irritating.

I had gotten so frustrated, in fact, that I started stomping around, causing Lucy's landlord to come up and yell at me, thinking I was Lucy. Luckily enough, I didn't have to open the door all the way.

And then—

"Gray, how long is this story?" Lucy scolded from her spot on the couch. She had her arms crossed, a scowl on her face, and a grocery list in her hand.

Did I mention I ate almost all her food?

"Well, did I mention how I knocked over your keys? Aquarius is going to be pissed at you." I told her.

Her scowl darkened.

I never imagined myself being afraid of a big breasted blonde, but holy hell she is like a second Erza sometimes.

"Conclude your little excuse story as to why I walked into my house and had to see what I saw."

I ran a hand through my hair, taking a sigh. "I couldn't find pants for like twenty minutes so I was butt ass naked on your floor."

Lucy shook her head. "Gray, I'm not mad that you broke into my house or ate my food. I'm mad because you couldn't find a pair of pants that was sitting on the couch before I walked through that door!"

"I didn't think that they would be in such an obvious place!" I countered.

Lucy shook her head.

"Go buy me everything on this list, and I won't tell Natsu that you were sitting naked on my floor, almost in tears."

"I wasn't almost in tears."

Lucy laughed. "Keep telling yourself that."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6  
**_At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."_

* * *

"Natsu—" I said to the pink-haired trouble maker that was lounging on my couch. We literally had been doing nothing all day and I was kind of sick of it. Erza and Gray had stopped by to help entertain the two of us, but to no avail. I don't know what it was with Natsu today.

He just wasn't energetic.

"Yes, Luce?" Natsu said, leaning his head behind the couch to look at me. I was sitting at the table with Erza looking through fashion magazines.

"You really need to get off your ass and do something. You've been on that couch all day!" I scolded him while Gray snickered from next to the fireplace. Natsu shot him a death glare but chose to ignore him, much to my fortune.

"I know, but I seriously am just in such a horrible mood. I don't know what it is."

"Maybe you're PMS-ing, flame brain," Gray suggested.

"What the hell did you just say, stripper?" Natsu challenged, leaning forward.

I rolled my eyes at the two of them. They could seriously be so dumb sometimes. Fighting over the littlest of things and making each other mad for no reason.

"Knock it off you two," Erza demanded before standing up so she was in the middle of the living room, hands on her hips. "To be honest, Natsu, what Gray said could be very likely."

"Excuse me? I'm not going through that PMS shit that Lucy goes through all the time," Natsu retorted. I resisted the urge to smack him over the head and instead chose to place my hands on his shoulders and squeeze until he cried out in pain.

"It's called IMS for boys," Erza explained. "Or Irritable Male Syndrome. It's perfectly normal."

"Well, I guess that explains it," Natsu said before leaning back into my hands.

Gray huffed. "Well, we need to do something to make your mood better. Sitting here listening to you bitch is really getting on my nerves."

Gray stood up, magically with his shirt off, and paced around my living room.

"Lucy, what usually makes you feel better?" Gray looked at me. I supposed he asked me because asking Erza what she did when she PMS-ed was asking for it. She was very private about those things.

I thought for a moment. What did make me feel better?

Punching Natsu.

Yelling at Natsu.

Chocolate.

Sex.

Making Natsu sleep on the couch.

Shopping with Levy.

Oh!

"McDonalds is always some good comfort food for me when I'm angry," I told them, hugging Natsu from behind his shoulders.

"It's also like ten at night." Erza said.

"Even better. Late night McDonalds is the best," I said, grabbing a sweatshirt, ushering the rest of them to follow me. There was a McDonalds a good ten minute walk from my apartment, so it wasn't too bad.

Natsu frowned most of the time, which made me really want to smack him. I wasn't even this bad! Erza and Gray walked ahead of us, talking about what they wanted to order from the lovely place. I wasn't going to get anything.

When we got there, the smell of McDonalds floated through the air, almost making me second guess myself if I wanted anything to eat. I literally was in love with the place, no matter how bad it was for you. Erza and Gray went up to the counter and ordered their food, each getting a Big Mac and a McChicken respectively.

Natsu was next and he walked up to the counter, hands shoved in pockets as he looked at the cashier.

"Welcome to McDonalds, what can I get for you?" he asked mechanically. Natsu stared at the menu with a scowl on his face before flicking his angry look to the cashier, almost scaring him.

"An oreo McFlurry."

And that was the end of that. Natsu handed over the cash and waited alongside Erza and Gray for his order. He was served his food last, and when the cashier slid him his McFlurry, the look of anger on his face made me take a step back.

"Is everything alright?"

I leaned around Natsu to see what the issue was.

It was a M&M McFlurry, not an oreo McFlurry like Natsu asked for.

Oh shit—

"YOU MCFUCKED UP."


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7  
**_My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink._

* * *

The night started out okay.

I guess.

Erza and Cana dragged me out to this bar that they said all the boys would be at. Which didn't really make sense to me. I mean, Fairy Tail is practically a bar. Why pay for alcohol when we can get it for free?

But, I didn't ask questions. I got dressed up in my sexiest outfit and strutted down the street with them. Erza was dressed modestly, but sexy enough that Jellal would probably be blushing like mad. And Cana was wearing what she normally wore when she drank, as this wasn't a special night out for her.

Though I heard she did have her eyes on Laxus all night.

That might cause an issue with Mirajane, though that's a story for another night.

Anyway! Back to what happened!

Everything was fine. I took a couple shots with Gray and laughed with him for a bit before Juvia glared me down to where I could feel it in my bones. Gray chose to walk away at that moment. Natsu took the opportunity to snag the seat that Gray had been sitting in. I could tell he was jealous. He gets a little jealous of Gray sometimes.

Natsu was dressed pretty well himself. He was lacking his scarf tonight and had on some dark jeans and a black shirt to compliment my black mini dress. To say I wanted to jump him right then and there was an understatement. Though, we were in a public place and that was not allowed.

Though he would beg to differ.

Things were going great at the halfway point of the night.

I had a couple of drinks with my close friends.

I was flirting with my boyfriend and stealing kisses in front of the bartender who kept looking at my boobs.

I managed to catch Juvia stealing a kiss on Gray's cheek.

Everything was cool until some dude decided it would be a good idea to take the drinks I had just paid for. I looked at him with the most disgusted look that I could muster up.

"Hey, buddy. I paid for those. Those aren't yours to take," I said. It was hard for a blond to look fierce sometimes.

"I don't know what you're talking about," the jerkoff responded.

"Yes you do. I am not going to let you take something I paid a good amount of money for. Hand them back over, please."

And he rolled his eyes at me.

HEY! RUDE.

"Yo, buddy. Just hand them back over," Natsu said, placing his hand on the guy's arm, glaring his sexy Natsu glare that he does.

Well, I'm sure that jerkface didn't find it sexy.

And that is when the great night turned awful.

Jerkface placed the drinks back down with the ugliest look on his face (he was mad that he didn't get free drinks, obviously!) and started to walk away from the bar. As I let out a sigh and turned back to my drinks with a shake of my head, a fist came flying in my directing, slamming right into the side of my nose, and I toppled over off the stool.

I'd like to say that every man in that bar came to my rescue.

Natsu had to be pulled off him before he, himself, got arrested as well.

Once everything had settled down, and we had made our statements, we were back standing at the bar. Erza was standing behind me, continuously asking if I was okay. I wouldn't blame her. I had blood gushing from my nose and I was standing there like it was no big deal. I didn't cry out in pain either. I had experienced a lot worse pain that a simple punch from a drunken fool.

Natsu, instead of being the loving boyfriend, does this:

"Oi! Everyone! Stop babying Lucy!" He flung his arm around my shoulder.

Everyone in the bar was staring by this point.

"She took it like a champ!" he shouted at the top of his lungs, causing everyone to cheer for me and the bartender to hand me some free drinks.

Only in Fairy Tail.

* * *

_I'm sorry! I usually update faster! I had midterms and other college things to deal with, so it has been pretty hectic. I had some free time today, so I wrote this! _


End file.
